The Red G: To "Out-law" or not to "Out-law"

Sometimes it is easy to overlook the important things in life, often too easy. Some relationships can seem obscure and not require much of our attention or effort, but that doesn’t change the fact that they can represent sincere value and are important, at least to me. Here’s something I am grateful for that I would like to share and confirm, right here and now, even if it may seem to be “no big deal.” It does matter and it is important, again, maybe only to me. It is possible there are some of you out there who understand this and agree. For others, it could help validate your relationships, regardless of decisions made by your relatives. Lastly, some may disagree, and that’s your choice. I’m not asking for a debate here. I’m just stating my gratitude and how I feel about this.

This is about “in-laws” and “out-laws” and applies to "step-laws" as well. I learned about “out-laws” from a dear friend, and she knows who she is. While you are married to your spouse, their family, by law, becomes your “in-law” or "step-law" family; brother in-law, sister in-law, mother in-law, step-daughter, etc. And, your family, becomes their “in-law” or "step-family", too. How you choose to manage these relationships can result in new friendships and precious shared life experiences. Often, trust is established, sharing your children with each other, feeling safe enough to grieve along side each other when a loved one passes on, gently holding each others heart as if it were your own, and confiding our deepest pains or fears. This is real life.

We know life and situations can change and marriages can result in divorce. Divorce changes your immediate family dynamics and it can change your “in-law” relationships, too. This is unfortunate after you have developed meaningful relationships with your “in-law” family members over the years. When a divorce occurs, does that necessarily imply that those “in-law” relationships must be immediately severed and those people in your life meant nothing? Really? Sadly, for some, it does. This is unfortunate and hurtful, for no good reason. Because your relative couldn’t figure out how to make their marriage work with their spouse doesn’t mean you can’t continue a relationship developed as a result of that marriage.

Here’s what happens when a divorce does not change “in-law” relationships. A heartfelt choice is made to continue, or resume, those relationships regardless of whether your relative is married to them or not. This is where “in-laws” and "step-laws" change to “out-laws.” Kinda cute, huh? Your relationship with your “in-laws” does not depend on who is married to whom, but rather a choice to continue to value one another as a friend, on purpose, based on a relationship established over the years, supporting each other, loving and sharing your nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters, daughters and sons, purely based on your choice.

With that said, I am grateful to continue calling you my friend and your “out-law whatever.” I look forward to continuing to nurture our relationship, regardless of how we define it. We are family by choice, on purpose, not intimidated or limited by choices made by others.