I could go on and on about all the crap 2013 has thrown my way, but instead, I'll submit that I am grateful for the lessons you taught me, the joys and unbelievable amounts of love you threw my way, the tragic disappointments and heartache I endured at your discretion, the moments of sheer ecstasy that tore my heart wide open until I thought I would die from so many intense feelings, but I didn't. 2013, I can't say I'll miss you, but I'll say I'm a better person for having survived you. You were a fucking bitch. But, once again, I win.
It's a new year. A time for refreshing one's soul and opening the "windows" and allowing the light and love that surrounds me inside. A time to throw away fear and embrace the possibility that I am exactly where I should be at exactly the right time I should be there. A time to breathe deeply and allow my tortured heart to bravely love again and not look back.
Once again, I'll remind you, I share these very intimate personal thoughts with the sincerest hope that someone might benefit from them, find hope, feel the courage to press on, try again, strive to be more.
If there is one thing that I have locked on to this past year is that it is OK to take a time out when you feel like you can't do a damn thing right in a situation. A simple, old fashioned "time out." It takes a lot of courage to take a time out, depending on what's at stake, right? If there's a lot at stake, all the more reason to take the time out, regroup, find your bearings, did I say breathe? Guess what? If you don't take the time out, you'll just continue to make things worse. Learning and growth isn't pretty and it isn't neat and tidy. In fact, it's a pretty messy and sometimes a very uncomfortable thing to deal with.
At some point, I found I just had to trust "my gut," that deep part inside that says, "Just do this, it will be OK!" And it was OK. It was more than OK. It was exactly what I needed to do, even though I was scared to death, feeling like I was going to suffocate. But I didn't. And things turned out so marvelous, so wonderful, so incredible. I have no more words. On reflection, it's when I've gone against what my "gut" told me that things have turned out really terrible in my life. You'd think I would have figured this out after the first few times, right? Hey, some of us are just slow learners, OK? Stubborn, OK, yeah, that, too.
My wish for you, for this new year, is that you will listen to your "gut" and be brave. Embrace that which tends to overwhelm you and make peace with things you cannot change. Give love and grace to all those around you. Everyone is struggling with something every day, you just may not see it.
In closing, I am grateful for a loving family, sweet sweet friends who sustained me when no one else could, and the man who continues to loves me, in spite of myself. You all know who you are and I love you for being a part of my life.
Here's to 2014. What'choo got? I'm ready...
Blessings on your heads,
Red G
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